You Can Dress Richard Simmons

Richard Simmons is going trick-or-treating. You can register online at his website and suggest what he wears. I IMPLORE YOU... Go with something like a wizard or Chewbacca or something else that involves a lot of fabric and or synthetic hair. Beyonce's closet, perhaps.

This one time, I was in the audience of the Late Show with David Letterman and Little Ricky did a run-through. I was on the aisle. His leg brushed me. As I looked down in horror, I noticed that my pants literally had oil on them. A slick that reeked of coconut.

So, you have the power. Cover it up.