No more 'spooning for Jake

Good news guys!

Reese Witherspoon is on the market once again. According to various news outlets, she split with Jake Gyllenhaal after "months of fighting".

The star of Brokeback Mountain and the men's room at many a Los Angeles cabaret was "heartbroken" when Reese decided it was time to give up.

What the article doesn't say is what she has given up on. The pirate's thoughts:

• Mysteriously "losing" her pantyhose every Saturday night.
• Stubble in her lip gloss.
• Stress fractures in her high-heels.
• A subscription to Men's Fitness.