The Battle of the Axes

Spunky empire builder Rachael Ray is about to launch her syndicated talk show, which includes a 360 degree spinning audience and much ballyhoo.

File under HI-larious: 4 Martha Stewart staffers were ejected from the audience of a RR taping after being recognized by studio security who happens to moonlight over at Studio Stewart. Obviously Martha is looking for the inside scoop. So I thought I would take a pass at the scoring in a Martha/Rachael battle royale. Fuck Kitchen Stadium, the real challenge today is cat fighting domestic divas.

So Rachael is the new thing in town, which in the TV business means decent numbers as long as she doesn't totally suck.

Rachael 1, Martha Stewart 0.

She may not be model pretty, but Rachael is waaaaaay hotter than Martha and has been in FHM seductively licking cream and chocolate off of various pseudo-phalluses.

Rachael 2, Martha, 0.

Uh oh, it looks like the icy domestic diva is trailing pretty heavily. But Martha has a billion dollar empire with magazines, products, TV, satellite radio, and and a more established resume which includes being able to make a toilet seat out of a pumpkin and some spackle.

Rachael 2, Martha, 1.

Martha's production company is called "Martha Stewart Omni-Media" as in omnipresent. Yeah, like God. Rachael is being produced by Oprah.

Rachael 3, Martha, 1.

Ms. Ray's catch phrase is "Yum-o" . Ms. Stewart's catch phrase is "It's a good thing". Both Lame. Draw.

Martha has done hard time, so she can kill a bitch.

Rachael 3, Martha, 2.

Unfortunately for Martha, just like the merangue on a perfect Baked Alaska or John Travolta... Rachael may come out on top. Yum-o.