On the Street Where You Live... Michael Jackson.

Michael Jackson has set his pale ass back on American soil. He's been jetting around from Memphis (to "honor" James Brown with his presence at the memorial) and Vegas, and back. But recently on a series of phone interviews, his people would not divulge his currently location for "security reasons".

In a fair world, this guy would have been convicted of drugging (remember Jesus Juice?) and touching (poor, little Culkin and God knows who else) kids. As part of that conviction, he would have to notify the authorities of his whereabouts. Because he got off (bad use of the term, I know) he doesn't have to tell anyone where he is.

He could be camping out on YOUR street. Think about that. You go to get your morning paper, and there crouched behind the tulips... Jacko! Ladies and gentlemen, lock your doors because Michael's bringing WackyBack.