A Rant For a Slow News Day

No one in Hollywood has flashed their junk in the last 24 hours and the streets are temporarily free from drug addled B-listers. As a result, all is calm on the western front.

I'd like to take the opportunity to address those of us who live in the north...

When it snows, why do you all park like a special olympian on crack?

As I cruise my parking lot looking for a spot, I am saddened, dismayed, and a dash angry at the people who can't seem to figure out how to park without the benefit of lines. There are people there who leave a half a spot between their car and the next. It's the perfect spot for a motorcycle, but unfortunately it's fucking winter, and no one has their choppers out. Each idiot who takes up 1 and a half spots deserves a backhand. And I'm not just talking about that one asshole with the '98 Audi who thinks he's special. I'm talking about everyone... shitty mini vans, new BMWs, even the plow truck itself. You are all morons.

When the snow melts, and you return to your car to see that you've actually parked on top of the line, and 4 feet from the nearest obstacle... Do you make a mental note to remember how you park when there ARE lines? Do you notice that you have to be careful not to hit other car doors? Because this morning when you parked your shitty ride diagonally across the visitor space, you were able to fling your door wide, and still have space to spare.

Don't be a dickweed. That is all.