Happy Birthday LiLo!

Dear Lindsay,

It has been a magical year. You have truly been through alot, and I am very proud of you. Your volunteer work at Promises rehab shows us all what it means to truly give back to society. It is so nice of you to show those sad old drunks that there is so much more to life, like harder drugs and liquor. You are a true role model to us all.

This year has had its challenges too. (What with the looting, and the hoarding... Some of us did questionable things.) You held strong though. You've proven that lust for booze, cocaine, and the love of a fine latin woman (including knifeplay) are things that should be part of ALL of our lives.

On this your 21st birthday, I just want to say from all of us. You just keep on doin' what you doin' girlfriend. Everyone raise a glass (Yes! Mirrors count too...) to Miss Lohan.

Cheers,
The Angry Pirate.