Orlando Bloom is Whipped

So for those of us who watch Entourage for just a tiny slice of what it must be like to be a young Hollywood star on the rise, this situation seems cut right from the playbook.

Three possibilities:

• Kate Bosworth is the best lay in Hollywood.
• This was set up.
• Orlando is gayer than Quiche Lorraine.

NOTE: The part in green is fact, the rest is educated speculation.

Scene: Chateau Marmont, dusk.
Orlando Bloom and unidentifed douchebag sit at a table for two, chatting earnestly.

OB: So how about that Pirates gig, huh?
DB: You were like, so amazing in that film Land-o, so swashbuckling and brawny.
OB: (Wave of the hand) Stop IT! (giggle) I can't believe what they're paying me to sleepwalk through the final few scenes of the third one. It's almost like Hollywood doesn't care anymore.

Attractive brunette model approaches the table, the boys stop and turn.

BM: Hi Orlando, would you care to accompany me to an art gallery party in just a few?
OB: Sorry, the girlfriend wouldn't approve. (looks over at reporter from People Insider and winks)
BM: Who, Kate Bosworth? "The girlfriend?" Please... she was letting Superman poke at her tonsils every night in her trailer on the set of that movie.
OB: OK, hold on... That's not part of the deal, bitch.
BM: Go to hell. This is hardly worth the $20 that your douchebag friend just slipped me on the way to the can. I'm not even going to be identified by name.

Attractive brunette model storms off.

DB: It's OK cupcake, I'll take care of People.
OB: (eyes welling with tears) You are so good to me.