Happy Tom Cruise Day!

Tom Cruise was recently awarded with his own holiday in Japan. By Xenu! The stars have finally aligned and the evil alien overlords are sure to be defeated. It's a good thing that his thetin levels are near perfect, almost like his faaaaaabulous smile.

Wait a second, what am I saying?

The shrimpy studio refugee was awarded this holiday by the equally shrimpy country because of his love for and close association with Japan... Which he can't help because he's 5'2 or some shit, and so is the entire country. Essentially, he made a movie about a ninja or some shit that grossed about $15 back in 2000-something. Oh yeah, and he rode a bullet train when he was promoting the last Mission: Impossible movie which made about $20.

Hallmark is gonna have a field day with this one. Happy Tom Cruise Day cards are going to be all the rage in Tokyo. My brother in law loves the ones with the glittery aliens and the fuzzy Katies.