Dita Von Manson Says it's Sadistic!

In some truly shocking news, Marilyn Manson's burlesque pinup wife, Dita Von Teese is seeking to split from the pale rocker because he's a freak. According to Page Six, she wants to serve him with divorce papers citing irreconcilable differences... If she can find him. Marilyn has gone AWOL, he hasn't been in touch since before the holidays.

The two have been together for over 8 years, but only 1 year of marriage. Custody is the question for 2 cats and 2 dogs. If I were the one making that call, I'd let them go with Dita. Better they are ball gagged and dressed in latex than eaten by a goth posse.

I've been on a New Year's bender or two, but none so bad that I wouldn't notice my wife moving out of the house. Here's hoping that everything's alright in the world of Mr. Manson.