And, it's over folks.
Lohan was arrested for DWI and possession of cocaine last night.
Maybe that ankle bracelet was a mini fridge for her bottle of Jaeger.
Unfortunately it will be a while before studios can cast her in anything, because she will be un-insurable.
This could be the beginning of a long and gratifying career in the field of fetish pornography. Someone get me some saran wrap and a small rodent.
Let's take a journey to the multi-million dollar house in the Hollywood Hills with pink flamingos in the lawn and a rusted out chevy on cinder blocks in the side yard.
According to reports, Britney Spears' mother had the audacity to tell her daughter to be a better parent. Our favorite sagging pop tart did not take to kindly to the visit and the advice from the woman who raised her, so she raised her own... hand. That's right crew. Britney slapped the shit out of her own mother. Not to be outdone, according to reports, Lynn slapped right back. This bitch-slap fest is yet another slip towards the bowels of celebutard hell for Britney. I mean even in the south, it's not kosher to slap yo' mama.
Unfortunately I can't take a side on this one. Lynn Spears giving advice on how to raise a child is like Jessica Biel giving advice on how NOT to have a wonderful ass. It just doesn't make sense. I'm sure Britney will claim she was rehearsing for a role in one of those moving pictures or something, but still I can't side with someone who would slap their mother. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE a good slap fight. But some lines must be drawn.
Dear Lindsay,
It has been a magical year. You have truly been through alot, and I am very proud of you. Your volunteer work at Promises rehab shows 
us all what it means to truly give back to society. It is so nice of you to show those sad old drunks that there is so much more to life, like harder drugs and liquor. You are a true role model to us all.
This year has had its challenges too. (What with the looting, and the hoarding... Some of us did questionable things.) You held strong though. You've proven that lust for booze, cocaine, and the love of a fine latin woman (including knifeplay) are things that should be part of ALL of our lives.
On this your 21st birthday, I just want to say from all of us. You just keep on doin' what you doin' girlfriend. Everyone raise a glass (Yes! Mirrors count too...) to Miss Lohan.
Cheers,
The Angry Pirate.
