Bieber's "Hard Season" Leads Him to Give it Up to the Lord

Magnum PI and a hot young lesbian

Recently Justin Bieber is back in the news after he "took a break" from his "music" to "focus on his "mental" and "emotional" health.  (Visualize some significant air quotes.)  Apparently this involves appropriating Tom Selleck's "Magnum PI" look, which is reason enough for me to want to kick him in the sack.

There are a lot of reasons to hate Justin Bieber.  I shall enumerate here:

1. He's Canadian
2. He spits on his fans (literally)
3. He acts above the law
4. His Talent:Fame ratio is fucked out of whack.
5. Did I mention he's Canadian?

After singing some Gospel music at a place called "Churchome", he posted on Instagram about how his new bro Jesus is getting him through a "Hard Season".  A quick Google of Justin Bieber Hard Season yields a pirate's booty of Lap Rocket that makes me wonder if Just-in Beaver needs more God  in his life or a light round of chemical castration.  Now, I'm not one to talk about another man's Spam Javelin but lets be honest, it is out and about more than the cast of Queer Eye at a Pride parade.

You're Welcome.  Here's a little something for Erryone.

I'm all for someone finding Jesus.  In fact, if you do - let me know where he is - I have a couple of questions about the platypus, Kim Jong Un's hair, and the comedic stylings of Bill Cosby.

A word to the wise Biebs, the church is gonna frown on nude frolic, drugs, and public urination.  So you'd better get your shit together.  And for God's sake, leave Tom Selleck out of this.